Have you noticed how men are perceived in pop culture? Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, or James Bond. Men are often portrayed as goofy, overly sensitive, overly macho, or promiscuous.
Do men have to fit into these categories? What does it mean to be a man today? What is an ideal point of reference for authentic masculinity?
Courtesy of Danielle Nelson from Flickr.net
Men or Caricatures?
As a youth minister I have the opportunity to speak with several young people and their families. It is alarming that an increasing number young men I encounter seem to fall into 3 caricatures.
- Peter Griffin or Homer Simpson. Men who don’t know how (or I believe, refuse) to grow up. Men who are more occupied with playing video games and acting goofy than forming meaningful relationships. Someone once told me that it is not an option to grow old, but it is an option to grow up. Young men today need to be empowered to have the courage to grow up.
- Overly macho with false confidence. When I was in high school and university I remember the most respected men were the ones that “hooked-up” with the most women.
- Overly sensitive. Men are not immune to their emotions. At least I know I’m not. But men ought to have control over their emotions. Don’t mistake this for suppressing your emotions. Controlling and suppressing your emotions are different. I’ve come across young men that command attention by being overtly emotional (and on occasion, dramatic). As men we ought to empower the people around us, care for them, and selflessly (not selfishly) love them.
Joseph, The Mark of a True Man
So what should a man be like? On Christmas Eve one of the Bible readings paints a picture of Joseph encountering the angel Gabriel. I think this brief encounter highlights three of Joseph’s qualities. It’s worth reading this encounter in it’s totality. Check it out here (see Matthew 1:14-25).
Here are three exceptional qualities that Joseph has that every man should consider emulating.
1. Courage. Reading the encounter between Joseph and Gabriel you will notice that Joseph was consumed with fear. Afterall, who wouldn’t be if some strange figure in a dream told you that you will be entrusted with a pregnant spouse whom you have never had relations with. It’s important to understand: Courage is not the absence of fear; it is having the will to move forward in the face of fear. Despite being overwhelmed with fear Joseph was willing to sacrifice his quiet ordinary life to take on a life-changing mission.
2. Chastity and Fidelity. For some reason chastity has become a dirty word in our culture. For some it is associated with abstinence from sex. Chastity and abstinence are two different things. Joseph, despite not having any relations with Mary prior to their engagement or the child in her womb not being his own he remained faithful to her for the rest of his life. As a father and husband he worked selflessly as a carpenter to provide for his new family. He remained chaste toward Mary for the rest of his life.
It saddens me to meet young men whose fathers have abandoned them or broke their families apart for selfish reasons. Many young men don’t have an example of a loving father or a faithful husband. To be a true man is to be chaste towards your spouse or your future spouse, not just for your own sake, but for the sake of your children.
3. Obedience. For adult men obedience can be viewed as a sign of weakness. A successful man is portrayed as someone who commands authority in society. As children we respect the authority of our parents (for the most part). However, as soon as we become independent adults we have the tendency to believe that we don’t need guidance from anyone or that we have what it takes within us to become great people. This is a tempting, but dangerous mentality.
So who should we turn to in obedience? Well…God. God is the only perfect source of knowledge. Despite his fear Joseph knew very well that what God has planned for him is infinitely greater than his own desires:
24When Joseph awoke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him; he took her as his wife, 25but had no marital relations with her until she had borne a son;* and he named him Jesus. – Matthew 1:24-25.
“He did as the angel of the Lord commanded him.” This is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of great humility, immense faith and selflessness. Joseph wanted the best for his family, but knew he couldn’t be the man his family needed on his own. He allowed himself to be made into the man God intended him to be.
Questions. 1) Who is a great man in you life? What makes him great? 2) What do you believe is the mark of a great man?
Edited by Robert Bandura
