As a former atheist I believed three things about having faith in God.
First, I believed that God was no different from childhood wishful fantasies such as the Tooth Fairy or Santa Clause. I also believed that God was a “god of the gaps”; an explanation for natural phenomena that is yet to be explained by science. Ancient mythical gods fall into this category along with the plethora of gods recognized in classical Hinduism.
Second, I believed that if God did turn out to be real he’s a real jerk. He always seemed to be in competition for my happiness. To me it seemed that God put up a bunch of rules/commandments that kept me from experiencing freedom. You know which “rules” I’m referring to: No sex before marriage; Even after I get married I have to be “open to life.” It seemed to me there were really two options:
a) have a million kids or…
b) abstain from sexual intimacy.
And perhaps the worst “rule” to abide by was being forced to sit through an agonizing hour of church every Sunday. “What a party pooper!” so I thought.
Courtesy of Unsplash.com by Liane Metzier
Third, God’s like an impersonal businessman with whom I can negotiate a series of transactions. The kinds that create win-win situations. I go to church on Sunday and God can ensure my parents will not get a divorce. But if God didn’t “hold up” his end of the bargain…Oh boy! Maybe I can outsmart God. Maybe I can do a bunch of good deeds after a series of bad ones. As long as I show St. Peter a balance sheet demonstrating how my good deeds outweigh my bad ones I’ll get my ticket to heaven.
In this post I’d like to speak about my last two assumptions.
The Guiding Hand of A Loving Father
If I actually took some time to read one of the Gospels I would realize how false my assumptions were.
God is not an impersonal entity who is obsessed about my daily doings. He is a loving Father who wants to guide me to a joyful and fulfilling life (John 10:10). I was so obsessed with microscopic personal superficialities that I was blind to the bigger picture.
The Difficult Humility of a Servant
In chapter 17 of Luke’s Gospel Jesus’ apostles desire to have more faith. Knowing that the apostles are not able to comprehend their own purpose in God’s plan at this stage in their lives, Jesus simply tells them to be servants and expect nothing in return. As you know Judas was impatient believing that he didn’t need Jesus and went about doing things his own way. And of course he became the victim of his own impatience. Following the Resurrection the remaining eleven apostles were glad they persevered. They understood everything that Jesus commanded them. It all made sense. What seemed like several mismatching puzzle pieces in their live all of a sudden fit perfectly. Finally they have discovered what Jesus meant by “living life to the full” when they first started following him.
Like for the apostles, when I finally decided to trust God with my life despite not understanding many things at the time, slowly, but surely my life started to fill with blessings. You know the “rules” I mentioned at the beginning. I don’t see them as “rules” anymore, I see them as the guiding hand of a loving Father who desires for me to live a life of joy and confidence.
Living Life to the Full in Marriage
As many of you know I have a beautiful wife with whom I strive to follow God’s plan for marriage. It seems like the longer our marriage goes the stronger and more intimate it gets. We are always open to life and yet we are more intimate than ever before. We have been gifted with a precious daughter, who not only brings us great joy, but started to heal wounds in my families that I never thought was possible. With some guidance we’ve discovered it wasn’t necessarily part of God’s plan for marriage to have “a million” kids. We have an unofficial “plan” for our family and at the same time we are open to life because we trust that God will provide above and beyond what we can even imagine.
Question: What challenges keep you from entrusting your life to God? How do you feel about the teachings/’rules”/commandments of Jesus?
